Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Harry ha Hussain? Sach sach bataa... kaun hai tu?

"Tell us... Whom do you pray Mr. President?"

Even the Khaps weren't interested to know if the Indian President's Gotra is the same or different than that of her husband's. So why this unnecessary fuss and get nosy into Obama's religion? The US, which was proud of having elected a 'Black President' (some considered this term too as derogatory) and boasted about a 'free society' now finds itself in the row of religion, something which was and is dear to India and Indians. Matter relating to the places of worship and religion always stirs emotion and passion. India gives us handful of such cases which are in public memory even today, if religiously celebrating it's 'anniversary' is a yardstick to measure. It can invite death if one tries the arm-twisting tactics and also catapult to power if the 'card' is 'played' at the right time. And, it can also be a hen that lays the golden egg. No wonder the 'hen' is alive and our (abhi)netas aren't in a mood to make a tandoor out of it.

So it all starts with the proposal to build a mosque on Ground Zero, where the World Trade Center stood earlier and was destroyed in the 9/11 attacks. The row as expected due to obvious reasons spread like wildfire and reached to a point where the US Prez. too intervenes. His attempt to reshape the dented image of Uncle Sam in the eyes of 'I' nations and 'M' population worldwide became further more evident with his 'No Objection Certificate' to build a mosque on Ground Zero. His nod attracted worldwide attention and soon, the research reports which media houses conducted by way of polls perhaps were out. The finding was that 1 out of 5 Americans felt Obama is a Muslim. Those who showed that they are 'colour blind' an year and a half ago had now worn the glasses of religion. The White House was quick to clarify that -

"President Obama is a committed Christian, and his faith is an important part of his daily life"

"He prays every day, he seeks a small circle of Christian pastors to give him spiritual advice and counseling, he even receives a daily devotional that he uses each morning. The President's Christian faith is a part of who he is, but not a part of what the public or the media is focused on everyday" [Source - http://ibnlive.in.com/news/obama-is-a-committed-christian-white-house/129226-2.html] So, *Obama is a 'committed' Christian* is a news bigger than "Vishwanathan Anand is still an Indian" to Indian babus.

Now, what's the big deal if he were to be a Muslim? Won't Harry from Buffalo support Obama's war against outsourcing if he is a Muslim? If he is a Muslim, will Hussain in Baghdad prefer Pepsi and KFC over Shawarma? And whether he is a Hussain or a Harry, Harish in ITPL Bangalore will be kept busy (and have no much qualms about it) as long as India's tech giants get their share of bread & butter. Religion doesn't opiate Harish in this case you see!

On the contrary, India, a country where most times one is identified by his surname than by his achievements did better by not dragging the religion card when Kalam became the President (or even when he mentioned that he has read the Gita and the Bible too) or when Bismillah Khan was chosen over Bhimsen Joshi for the nation's highest civilian honour. The Sikhs hardly objected when Dr. Manmohan Singh was elevated to the post of the PM by the party which is infamous for the 1984 riots and several Muslim organizations assured their support to the first ever full-fledged BJP Govt.in Namma Karnataka for all developmental activities though the latter is not so unpopular when it comes to fishing in troubled waters.

It was the development card - revival of economy, enhancement of the lost pride and image - which the Prez had to offer during his pre-election campaigns and that was overwhelmingly accepted. But to dig out the religious history of the Prez over a single statement is contradictory and that The White House's affirmation that "Obama is a devout Christian" is least expected. Couldn't it have been a simple "The President's religion is his personal affair" rather than big-mouthing how he solicits advises from the clergy and how he doesn't pray in a particular way or to a particular God.

All said and done, now that Obama has given a "Yes we can" for the mosque on Ground Zero, proceedings from here on will be interesting to observe. Magar dost, ek baat yaad rakho. Jo kabhi jaati nahin hai, usse ko JAATI kehte hai.

Common Man.

Haan aur ek baat... the Khaps are yet to question the Indian President and her husband on their Gotra.

Image courtesy -http://blogs.e-rockford.com/applesauce/2009/06/09/obama-mentions-jesus-more-often-than-did-bush/

Monday, August 9, 2010

A 'Chop Shop' doesn't get listed on NASDAQ : Murthy

Tens and thousands of employees of Infosys Technologies Ltd. today submitted their resignation on learning that their company was not in the field of Software services but is a Chop Shop. Monday morning witnessed the mail servers of many HR Executives jammed as employees, who had their dreams shattered of making it to the US, sent lengthy resignation mails to their respective HR Executives. "Yes, we have received 21,345 resignations so far within 4 hours of work today. Since most of them are not yet able to believe that they are 'choppers' and not 'Techhies', most resignations, as much as 15,789 of them were emailed which were sent through Blackberry and HTC Android", said Mr. Manav Sansadhan, Sr. HR Manager who initially did not want to be named, but later agreed to, as he too had decided to resign. Further, he added "These figures are expected to reach close to 33,000 by end of tomorrow as those working in UK and US shifts are yet to reach office"

Lashing at this comment in a rather uncharacteristic manner, Infosys Chief Mentor, Mr. N R Narayana Murthy said "If we are a 'Chop Shop', how did USA list us in their NASDAQ Stock Exchange and permit us to issue ADRs? Are norms in USA so liberal that any junk and sundry firm can be listed in their Stock Exchange? This is a frivolous argument which has only made me and my buddy Premji more stronger to fight protectionism!!". Mr. T V Mohandas Pai, the Director of Human Resources who was also present nodded his head while speculations are ripe that he might switch back to his CFO role, unable to cope with mass-resignation.

When a leading Bank who figures in the Top 10 clientele of Infosys was contacted, it's Sr. Vice President - Administration said "We are aware of the developments. However, the top brass has assured us that things will go on smoothly and the Bank's operations will not be hampered. Already, Infosys has issued orders to march towards the PC to 35,000 employees who are on bench sipping coffee and playing TT and that is a sigh of relief for us. Our Credit Card customers will still have seamless access to the Call Centres". Taking cue from this statement, education segment expert from a consultancy firm, Mr. Vidya Saraswathi projected that Infosys could hire anything between 25000-30000 fresh graduates and laterals since a huge chunk of resource was getting vacant from Bench and Wipro was catching up big time in terms of employee headcount.

"The US has gone bonkers you see.. They would rather do well to close down the 'Chop Shop' that they have opened in Iraq and Afghanistan. Or worse is look into Mark Hurd's trapped in sexual her-ass-meant case", said 22 year old Phatichar Screwvala who was quick to correct himself and re-pronounce it as 'harassment'. Phatichar who had successfully completed his induction programme on Friday evening reiterated that Infosys was known for it's integrity and values and unlike in the US, it had never involved in sexual harassment scandals, unaware of the Phaneesh Murthy episode which rocked India Inc. during his high-school days. Phatichar is based out of Mysore DC. However, the farmers of Mysore said that those comments did not have any base and he was only repeating the talking points of his masters. Mr. Ketanlal Vishnudas Patel, a veteran businessman of Indian origin in USA whose short poems are the most sought after declined to comment and simply sent a one liner email saying "Time is very precious in this part of the world" when contacted.

Meanwhile, a group of disgruntled employees who are yet to submit their resignation threatened to self-immolate during the wedding of N R Narayana Murthy's son later this year. "Since you have broken it, you rather fix it or I will self-immolate during your son's wedding" said Pune based 26 year old 'Agni'vesha (name changed as he fears being ditched by his girl-friend who works as a Brand Manager with AUTOMOBILE giant Hyundai) His friends lent their hankies/undies/Boxers/sock as he wept to an extent inconsolable. "The upcoming alliance between TVS and Infosys seems to be 'motivated by business interests'. Anything is possible in India and yet no one is accountable for it" said an aggressive Indian-American Mr. 'Nexus' D'Souza who currently works with a medical equipment manufacturing giant in USA and believes any sundry claims made by the USA despite several rebuttals by his Indian friends. He even cited an incident where an Infosys employee had given a 'Hot water bath' to his maid for which he was sacked. Mr. D'Souza also gave a call to all US Corporations to stop business with companies who have employees without sensitivity towards fellow human beings but declined to comment when asked about the wage cut some of the Pizza delivery boys get in US headquartered firms.

As our Bangalore correspondent started towards Infosys' Bannerghatta Road DC from Electronics City in BMTC Bus, following conversation in Kannada between two daily-wage earners was heard - "Adeno kaddiro car mattu bike maaraaTa maaDo jaaga anta Amreekadalli yaaro Ministru heLiddarantappa... Irbeku ansutte. BeLgaadre ee Imposis aapees oLgaDe Tata Sumo, Tata Starbussu, Toyota Qualissu, namma BMTC bhaDge bussu hogod noDidre avr heLirodu kharey irbeku" (Roughly translated as "Some Minister in US says Infosys is into selling stolen cars and bikes. When we see several vehicles plying into their campus from early morning, they might be right")

"I think the whole Brand needs a revamp now. We need to start with the punchline 'Powered by intellects, Driven by values'. Probably, the words 'Powered' and 'Driven' needs to be powerfully driven off as they mostly get the automobile feel in the minds of the consumers" opined a Bangalore based Brand and Advertisement Guru and suggested punchlines like 'Borrowed intellects with no values' and 'To fix before it breaks'. He also came up with an idea of organizing events in the Americas, Europe and APAC to control the damage done and estimated the cost of events to be $5000 MN but assured that his newly commencing Event Management Firm could make it at 70% of that".

Infosys employees who are normally spotted from tea-stalls to book-stores and from airports to restaurants wearing their most coveted ID cards seemed to have abstained from wearing the same as not many employees with Infosys ID cards were found today. Psychologists from NIMHANS, Bangalore were of the opinion that it is a common trend to disown our own when something really shameful happens. "We had queries from Satyam employees whether to wear their ID cards or not when the Ramalinga Raju scandal broke out. What we have observed is employees of foreign companies aren't affected much at times of crisis than their Indian counterparts though during the economic recession it is the the other way round" said Dr. Maanasik Swasthya, a Psychologist in NIMHANS, Bangalore. Enigma Pub and Yo! China confirmed that HP hasn't cancelled their advance bookings while Bangalore One reported numerous calls from Infosys employees enquiring about the Art of Living ashram address.

All Indian IT companies as a mark of condemnation of the preposterous statement have decided to replace all white PCs with black PCs. Indian companies like Wipro and HCL have proposed to buyback HP and Dell systems and replace with their Brands. However, none of the companies wanted to part with IBM Servers. The matter is now with NASSCOM and is believed to raise serious repercussions in the USA and support is garnered from several leading BFSIs of USA and is now believed to give a twist to Barack Obama's fight for ban on job exports.

Meanwhile in an unrelated incident, Karnataka Chief Minister B S Yeddyurappa considered himself to be in a similar situation as US President B H Obama. On the sidelines of a massive public rally organized at Hospet which is 60 Kms away from Bellary, he said when Obama was fighting a ban on job exports, he was fighting a ban on illegal mines export. The White House has released Obama's statement - "MINE has nothing to do with B S Yeddyurappa"

Image courtesy - http://www.stresstips.com/?p=23
Friends, the above look-alike of a newspaper article is just an imaginary write-up and be considered at best, a spoof. The author has high regards towards all individual and institution names mentioned above. Apologies to those who are offended with the 'remarks'.

Infosys is a client to my company and Mr. Murthy has written some real kind words about us and our work which we proudly display on our homepage. In any case, I make it clear that the 'views' or the 'spoof' here is my own creation and my employer is in no way responsible or connected to this.

Common Man.