Friday, February 18, 2011

Ab inn ke khilaf bagaawat kaun karein, Bhagat Singh Paaji?

Dear Bhagat Singh Paaji,

Sat sri akaal
. Sorry for greeting you so, inspite of knowing that you were an Atheist. Sat Sri Akal roughly translates to "God is the ultimate truth". I am no expert in Punjabi. Of course, I know a few Punjabi words and terms - Chak de phatte, oye paapey, teri meri ik jind, soniye, hiriye, paaji, balle balle - all thanks to Bollywood. I know the meanings of a few trademark and hardcore Punjabi slogans too - Waahe Guruji ka Khalsa, Waahe Guruji ki Fateh; Jo Bole So Nihaal, Sat Sri Akal - all thanks to Wiki here.

, Wiki is not yet another Viceroy exported to India by the Atlees and Churchills after 1931 when you were hanged for the first time (Hanged for the first time? Yes Paaji, there is a reason for this, you will know it shortly) It is simply an internet page. Wikipedia. A storehouse of information. Recently, a lot of MBA students donated generously to keep that page up and running which also meant their academic projects will now sail through smoothly. However, it is also something which can be easily fiddled with. One doesn't need an act of bravado like the Kakori train robbery which you and your comrades showcased during the freedom movement.

Anyways Paaji, to cut the crap, Wiki was once again fiddled with. Like I mentioned before, without much bravado. The page that read about your glory was the victim. On 13th or 14th February, a few anti-Valentine groups/individuals found it heroic to alter your death day on Wiki and spread false rumours. The page read that Bhagat Singh was hanged on 14th February. Soon after, false SMSs were launched which stated that though 14th February was the day when Bhagat Singh was hanged by the British, but Indian youth only celebrate it as Valentines Day. Facebook, Twitter were abuzz with similar messages. Rumours spread faster than truth and forest-fire. This was a classic case which proved that statement right. Bhagat Singh was hanged on 14th February. For once, most of us forgot that the ICC World Cup is just round the corner. For once, most of us forgot that there were scams going on around us. For once, most of us forgot that it's time to file annual I-T returns. For once, most of us forgot that in a week or so, we ourselves will forget Bhagat Singh and get back to our normal routine. But on 14th February, emotions were charged and charged high. An altered Wiki page, provided the source of energy. A few educated but mindless Tweeples and Facebookers - like they say - kept the tempo going. The only mantra that seemed to run in the nervous system of charged up youth was Bhagat Singh was hanged on 14th February.

Paaji, the problem is not groups or people opposing Valentines Day. Not they wooing the youth as well. The problem is with these groups or people using cheap tactics such as 'Online Vandalism' to promote their ideas. The problem is also the educated youth believing these cooked up stories and without any cross-verification, posting the same on their Facebook walls proudly. But how would they cross-verify in this case, Paaji? The Wiki page which they refer to itself was altered! The British hanged you once on 23rd March 1931. You were hanged numerous times on 13th and 14th February 2011. But Paaji, some blame has to be shared by you too. You see, you were of the types who would desh ke liye ek baar kya hazaar baar phaansi chadenge. And lo, modern India has fulfilled that wish of yours which you as well as the British could not. What an irony! On one hand, these 'Internet Revolutionaries' strengthen their claim of being staunch Indians and on the other, misuse the Internet and disrespect the bygone Indian heroes for their sleazy benefits. Wow! India Shining! Jai Ho! Jai Vigyaan! But what about the Agyaan which our youth displayed by believing the 'Internet Revolutionaries'?

Paaji, this was just one instance of 'Online Vandalism' and something which I thought went overboard. Hence I thought of penning the same to you. There are a few others as well, Paaji. UNESCO declaring the Indian National Anthem as the best National Anthem in the world and ISKCON wins a case against a nun at Poland who abused Lord Krishna to name a few. While we don't need any certificate about our National Anthem being the best or worst, I am yet to receive a reply from ISKCON confirming or rubbishing such a case in Poland.

So Paaji, how did you feel getting hanged after 80 years? And not once or twice or thrice but each time when the concocted story decorated Twitter and Facebook and SMSs.

Vichar karo Paaji. Inquilaab Zindabad!!

Aap ki sewa mein,
Common Man.

Image courtesy


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

"................ aur Raja ko praja kabhi dhoka nahin de sakti"

However, the other way round of this dialogue - from the Hindi movie 'Kya Yehi Pyar Hai' - is true. For the time being, the Raja is in news for deceiving the Praja. Not that the Raja was in news for all the right reasons in the past, the Praja too knows it. But the magnitude of these dhokas of the Raja can even put a natural disaster like Tsunami or a man-made structure like The Great Wall of China or simply a man like The Great Khali...... (I am running out of comparisons now... sob sob)..... to shame. The series of these dhokas can any day beat the number of waves I saw at the beach. And trust me, these dhokas are doing nothing but erasing the identity of the Nation, just like those waves at the beach erased my/my friends'/my girl friends'/my cousins'/all & sundry & miscellaneous names which I wrote as a kid and as a youth.

They say, "If Cricket is my religion, Sachin is my God". Likewise, with the number of scams that have unfolded in the recent past (and folded back conveniently in the same pace), ardent henchmen of a party can swear by the scam and scamsters. How would this new statement sound? "If Politics is my religion, Congress is my caste and Suresh Kalmadi is my God and CWG Scam is my Holy Book". Or even "If Politics is my religion, BJP is my caste and Reddy Bros. are my Ram & Lakshman & Bharath and Mining Scam is my Holy Book". We are in an political era, where valuing the scams in thousands of rupees might make you look like someone from the sets of Sholay (Gabbar: "Arrey oh Saamba... kitna inaam rakhe hai re sarkaar hum pe?" Saamba: ".......Poorey pachaas hazaar") Talking in lakhs (Are you kidding buddy?!!) of rupees might make you look someone from medieval era. It's the era of crores and not one or two but three but as much as Rs. 1.76 lakhs crore (and more). I have tried 17 times to figure out the number of zeroes with no success. For once, imagine. Someone who is handed over the task of cleaning this mess. He might have to write to Casio/Citizen/Orpat to have a claculator specially manufactured which can accomodate some 20 digits (What? Not enough?) or may be even 40 digits (if one keeps future in mind). Hey, even that is not necessary, if this Rs. 1.76 lakhs crore also contains a reserve to fill the pockets of the investigating agenices. What is surprising is, the stand-by Minister who replaces the tainted Minister claims that such a loss of revenue to the Nation doesn't exsist at all. Bole toh, if I have to put in his typical Nayee Dilli style, all he said was "Desh ko nuksaan hua hi nahin hai. CAGwaale maa chudaaye apni" (Apologies for the expletives). That is what you meant right, Mr. Kapil Sibal? How neatly cooked up! No wonder he was also considered as an 'excellent chef' during his tenure at the Harward Law School!

If there was enough tadka and teekha in what transpired and conspired in New Delhi, South India too had it's share of saambar, especially in Karnataka (I am keeping it to a simple 'Karnataka', I am bored of seeing people write karNATAKA). There has been tearing off the kurta (fortunate not to see tearing off the pajaamas too) in the assembly, there has been a walkathon from Bangalore to Bellary which resulted only in the walkers losing weight and nothing substantial (The Reddy Bros. lost face in the Panchayath elections, if at all it is of some consequence) and of late, there has been a Test Match between the Governor and the Chief Minister. If the CM's current is tainted, the Governor's past and his associations (To put it in a saas-bahu serial style, it is as simple as "Tumhara ateet hi mera vartamaan bana hai") When the opposition is showing impeccable respect to the Governor (which they didn't to the citizens while ruling), the ruling party - not surprisingly - has termed the Governor 'Congress agent' or 'Sonia agent'. The State is in a miserable situation. Your today's blunder is justified by my yesterday's folly. My yesterday's folly has to be forgotten because it is not as big as your today's blunder. There is a CM in Gujarat, who appears before the SIT, gets himself grilled for X hours and comes out clean (as per the leaked SIT report) and here we have a CM, who promised a 'Gujarat model Governance' but has been spending time visiting His Holiness (i.e. the Swamijis and temples in all South Indian States), His Excellency (i.e the Governor) and His Highness (i.e the party top brass in New Delhi). He even goes to an extent of saying to 'reveal' the names of 'all those who are corrupt' within his own party at New Delhi. It is like those Hindi movie dialogues "Aainda agar tuney meri behen ki taraf aankh uThaa ke bhi dekh liya, toh main tere poorey khaandaan ki aankhein noch loonga". There the hero utters it to the villain. Here the hero utters it to his own god-fathers! And lo, because the His Excellency permits to prosecute the CM, he even goes on a rampage, calls for a Bandh the next day but declares it late in the evening, blocks roads, burns tyres and costs the State's exchequer Rs. 2000 crore in a day (What the heck, just 2 more scams and we will recover it)

When such has been the extent of loot, when such is the attitude of the elected leaders towards the citizens and governance, when there are Adarsh and CWG scams being unearthed day in and day out, it is only time for the people to keep political allegiance aside for once. The talks of the party ideology which is used as a weapon to lure the common man at the grass root, is diluted to the core as it creeps upwards. Looting of money, public wealth, land, nepotism, frauds become the common ideology of all parties. Why should a State observe a bandh if a tainted CM is permitted to prosecute by the law? What does justifying one's past scandals because the other's present scams are huge in nature bring to my table? Perhaps the hero worship culture of political figures - committing suicide on their death and threatening immolation of self on they not being inducted in some random Ministry - have given them an assurance that the supporters will stand solidly behind even after all the blood has been sucked. It is time we stop taking sides and speak in the same tone, whoever usurps land for his son or whoever gives today's product at yesterday's price. Else,

Republic Day wishes to all my friends. Nothing really to be proud of when on the eve of R Day, a Govt. Official on his way out to expose corruption is burnt alive.

- Common Man.

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