Monday, May 24, 2010

3G v/s SoniaG - Yes Madam, We Can!

So the much acclaimed 3G Spectrum bidding has concluded and is expected to give the Govt. exchequer a whopping Rs. 68,000 crores approx. which is close to more than 2 times than what was estimated in the Budget 2010. As A Raja, the Telecom Minister was all smiles for all right reasons and 'otherwise', the Congress camp was in a spot of bother. If Pranab Mukherjee looked numb like always, P Chidambaram's pleasant and calm face had turned stern, something which would have scared the Maoists and Naxalites as well. Normally a quiet S M Krishna was looking as serious and brutal as Kamsa. Though the UPA as a whole was exuberant over the 3G Spectrum revenue, the Congress faction had a subtle, yet evident uneasiness on their face.

The Congress is now weary of one pertinent point - Will the popularity of 3G impact the Brand Value of Sonia'G? The Prime Minister took note of this issue and summoned an emergency meeting of all Congress Ministers late in the evening at the PMO (Prime Minister's Office). The possible effects of 3G overshadowing Sonia'G were discussed at length. A Ten-Point Programme has been worked out and would soo be implemented. Sources from the PMO who requested anonymity to avoid possible animosity with the Ministers shared the minutes of the meeting -

1. The total earnings through 3G bids will be showed at 10% of actuals. That way, revenue to Govt. Exchequer could also be shown less and hence, prices of essential commodities could be hiked. This suggestion had come from the mastermind of Murli Deora, Petroleum and Natural Gas Minister who sees this as an opportunity to hike fuel prices. When countered by the Prime Minister, he justified his stand by saying that if fuel prices are hiked, public attention can be diverted from 3G to price-hike. He also assured that there won't be disruption from the opposition camp of BJP and Communists as they would anyways 'Walk-Out' from the Parliament.

2. 3G Spectrum will not be publicized on news channels, websites etc. Now along with opposition leaders, even the Press & Media are banned from entering the premises of the Ministry of IT & Telecommunications. A Raja's official residence will be deployed with additional CRPF forces to curb media entry into the premises. This point was put forward by the Information & Broadcasting Minister Ambika Soni.

3. Afzal Guru's files will make rounds from various bureaucrat's tables to New Delhi Govt. every alternate day. This idea which will attract huge attention from the BJP and Sangha Parivar was mooted by the Law Minister Veerappa Moily which made him eligible for a pat on the back by state-mate S M Krishna. If tables are further fallen short of, President Pratibha Patil in a fax-message has promised to lend her table as well. Files containing various Bills which are earlier passed to her from the Parliament will be shifted to Govt. archives.

4. Lalit Modi-Shashi Tharoor controversy will be raked up as well. Support for this is sought from Sharad Pawar and Praful Patel, both from NCP which is a party to the UPA. If the NCP supremos refuse their support, Praful Patel will be accused of negligence and corruption which led to the AI plane crash in Mangalore last week and Sharad Pawar will be charged with conspiring with rich middlemen for hoarding essential commodities thereby leading to inflation.

5. A lot of arrests will be made and links will be established to various Bomb Blasts.

6. Some forgotten cases like Madhumita Shukla murder case, Lakkubhai Pathak cheating case, JMM suitcase scam, Fodder scam, Coffin scam, Stock Market scam etc. will be reopened or files will be moved bringing nation-wide attention.

7. Sanjay Dutt has been promised a ticket in the next election if he too is willing to be a part to reinvestigate the 1993 Bomb Blasts. Mahesh Bhatt's son's help will also be sought to prick the George Coleman Hadley case. Mohd. Azharuddin has been asked to lead these 2 projects.

8. Some petty fights in Australia will be showcased as 'Racist attacks' and Home Minister will visit Australia and keep India updated about the 'sorry state of affairs'. However, PM has cautioned that this ploy should not in any way impact India's Uranium business with Australia.

9. If all this falls short of the agenda, more dossiers will be exchanged with Pakistan.

10. Rahul Gandhi has volunteered to contribute in his very own way. He has already scheduled his 'Stay at Dalit homes' for the next 6 months.

As the meeting concluded and the Ministers came out of the PMO, they were greeted by angry sloganeering by the rest of the UPA allies. The Prime Minister in his usual inimitable style pacified the protestors by saying "Ghar ki BAHU-BETIYON ka sammaan rakhna hamaara dharm hai!!!!"

Common Man.

[The above is a fiction intended for some fun and humour. The author loves all politicians and plays politics himself]

Photo courtesy -


Bantwal said...

A good write-up. Who knows, some of your ideas may even be in various stages of being implemented..

amit pandey said...

Good one yar ...................ok........

Anonymous said...

....and now the reasons are clear for the high-tech security.....Ironically, Raja and party remain still securely guarded!!!

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