Lekin insaaf nahin mila hai Me Lord... insaaf nahin mila. Mili hai toh sirf yeh taareeq!

This melodramatic dialogue of Sunny Deol playing the role of an honest lawyer in the movie 'Damini' pretty much sums up the general public opinion on the postponement of Ayodhya verdict by another few days, to September 28th.

The verdict to be pronounced before September 30th is crucial (whether beams and ceilings in CWG stadiums are fixed or not) as one of the judges retire on that date and should something such occur which makes it inevitable for the judgement NOT to come out before that date, then the entire trial will have to be held once again, which means, another 4-5 General Elections can be fought on the Ayodhya dispute which is perhaps the last thing an Indian wants. Postponing the judgement by 4 days with an expectation of out-of-court settlement from the parties to title suit is too much an ask from them. It is more like the 3-day Agra Summit where we were made to believe that at the end of the 3rd Day, Kashmir dispute will be solved and all we got was a long list of savouries served to Musharraf & Co, how he exclaimed the Taj Mahal and a couple of "We will" and "We shall" assurances. If something could not be solved in 60+ years, will 60 odd hours bring a solution? Will an out-of-court settlement mean there won't be any violence? The parties to title suit don't have any control over the rioters in various parts of the country, do they? Which is that party to title suit after having fought for so long willing to go back home empty handed while the winner celebrates with champagnes and self-congratulates his own 'charisma'?

Should there be no more pleas to postpone the verdict and should the verdict be delivered on September 28th, there is still no guarantee that violence and riots will be an absolute zero. On the other hand, the entire effort by the Central Govt. to ensure peace, even though the Commonwealth Games preparation is at 'piece-piece', becomes meaningless now. Remember, quite a sizeable number of security forces are dispatched to Uttar Pradesh, from where the judgement would be pronounced, various States were on a high-alert, forces were deployed in sensitive areas and many such measures were also taken to ensure peace and civility. So now imagine, these forces have to relocate back to their pavilion or stay back until next week? What do we do with the steps taken like Sec . 144 enforcement, liquor ban, bulk SMSs ban etc.?

One more matter of concern is 28th of September falls very close to 3rd October which is the opening day of Commonwealth Games (assuming that it goes as per schedule). Athletes from different nations would be landing here next week. If security forces are deployed at sensitive and vulnerable areas (and by the grace of God, we have such areas in plenty) who will provide security to these athletes? Will we tell them that we can't provide security to you because we are deciding whether to build a temple or a mosque at some place where more than half the Indians have never visited?

Meanwhile, if more dialogues from the same sequence of 'Damini' are to be believed, then, "Do tareeqon ke beech adaalat ke baahar kaanoon ke dallaal insaaf ka dhandha karte hai.. dhandha, jahaa pe gawaahon ko khareedey jaatey hai aur beche jaatey hai.."

- Common Man

Image courtesy -
1. http://www.tribuneindia.com/2006/20060319/spectrum/main7.htm
2. http://www.bookofirc.com/index.php?key=Deol
3. http://www.ndtv.com/article/india/supreme-court-defers-ayodhya-verdict-54268

Harry ha Hussain? Sach sach bataa... kaun hai tu?

"Tell us... Whom do you pray Mr. President?"

Even the Khaps weren't interested to know if the Indian President's Gotra is the same or different than that of her husband's. So why this unnecessary fuss and get nosy into Obama's religion? The US, which was proud of having elected a 'Black President' (some considered this term too as derogatory) and boasted about a 'free society' now finds itself in the row of religion, something which was and is dear to India and Indians. Matter relating to the places of worship and religion always stirs emotion and passion. India gives us handful of such cases which are in public memory even today, if religiously celebrating it's 'anniversary' is a yardstick to measure. It can invite death if one tries the arm-twisting tactics and also catapult to power if the 'card' is 'played' at the right time. And, it can also be a hen that lays the golden egg. No wonder the 'hen' is alive and our (abhi)netas aren't in a mood to make a tandoor out of it.

So it all starts with the proposal to build a mosque on Ground Zero, where the World Trade Center stood earlier and was destroyed in the 9/11 attacks. The row as expected due to obvious reasons spread like wildfire and reached to a point where the US Prez. too intervenes. His attempt to reshape the dented image of Uncle Sam in the eyes of 'I' nations and 'M' population worldwide became further more evident with his 'No Objection Certificate' to build a mosque on Ground Zero. His nod attracted worldwide attention and soon, the research reports which media houses conducted by way of polls perhaps were out. The finding was that 1 out of 5 Americans felt Obama is a Muslim. Those who showed that they are 'colour blind' an year and a half ago had now worn the glasses of religion. The White House was quick to clarify that -

"President Obama is a committed Christian, and his faith is an important part of his daily life"

"He prays every day, he seeks a small circle of Christian pastors to give him spiritual advice and counseling, he even receives a daily devotional that he uses each morning. The President's Christian faith is a part of who he is, but not a part of what the public or the media is focused on everyday" [Source - http://ibnlive.in.com/news/obama-is-a-committed-christian-white-house/129226-2.html] So, *Obama is a 'committed' Christian* is a news bigger than "Vishwanathan Anand is still an Indian" to Indian babus.

Now, what's the big deal if he were to be a Muslim? Won't Harry from Buffalo support Obama's war against outsourcing if he is a Muslim? If he is a Muslim, will Hussain in Baghdad prefer Pepsi and KFC over Shawarma? And whether he is a Hussain or a Harry, Harish in ITPL Bangalore will be kept busy (and have no much qualms about it) as long as India's tech giants get their share of bread & butter. Religion doesn't opiate Harish in this case you see!

On the contrary, India, a country where most times one is identified by his surname than by his achievements did better by not dragging the religion card when Kalam became the President (or even when he mentioned that he has read the Gita and the Bible too) or when Bismillah Khan was chosen over Bhimsen Joshi for the nation's highest civilian honour. The Sikhs hardly objected when Dr. Manmohan Singh was elevated to the post of the PM by the party which is infamous for the 1984 riots and several Muslim organizations assured their support to the first ever full-fledged BJP Govt.in Namma Karnataka for all developmental activities though the latter is not so unpopular when it comes to fishing in troubled waters.

It was the development card - revival of economy, enhancement of the lost pride and image - which the Prez had to offer during his pre-election campaigns and that was overwhelmingly accepted. But to dig out the religious history of the Prez over a single statement is contradictory and that The White House's affirmation that "Obama is a devout Christian" is least expected. Couldn't it have been a simple "The President's religion is his personal affair" rather than big-mouthing how he solicits advises from the clergy and how he doesn't pray in a particular way or to a particular God.

All said and done, now that Obama has given a "Yes we can" for the mosque on Ground Zero, proceedings from here on will be interesting to observe. Magar dost, ek baat yaad rakho. Jo kabhi jaati nahin hai, usse ko JAATI kehte hai.

Common Man.

Haan aur ek baat... the Khaps are yet to question the Indian President and her husband on their Gotra.

Image courtesy -http://blogs.e-rockford.com/applesauce/2009/06/09/obama-mentions-jesus-more-often-than-did-bush/

A 'Chop Shop' doesn't get listed on NASDAQ : Murthy

Tens and thousands of employees of Infosys Technologies Ltd. today submitted their resignation on learning that their company was not in the field of Software services but is a Chop Shop. Monday morning witnessed the mail servers of many HR Executives jammed as employees, who had their dreams shattered of making it to the US, sent lengthy resignation mails to their respective HR Executives. "Yes, we have received 21,345 resignations so far within 4 hours of work today. Since most of them are not yet able to believe that they are 'choppers' and not 'Techhies', most resignations, as much as 15,789 of them were emailed which were sent through Blackberry and HTC Android", said Mr. Manav Sansadhan, Sr. HR Manager who initially did not want to be named, but later agreed to, as he too had decided to resign. Further, he added "These figures are expected to reach close to 33,000 by end of tomorrow as those working in UK and US shifts are yet to reach office"

Lashing at this comment in a rather uncharacteristic manner, Infosys Chief Mentor, Mr. N R Narayana Murthy said "If we are a 'Chop Shop', how did USA list us in their NASDAQ Stock Exchange and permit us to issue ADRs? Are norms in USA so liberal that any junk and sundry firm can be listed in their Stock Exchange? This is a frivolous argument which has only made me and my buddy Premji more stronger to fight protectionism!!". Mr. T V Mohandas Pai, the Director of Human Resources who was also present nodded his head while speculations are ripe that he might switch back to his CFO role, unable to cope with mass-resignation.

When a leading Bank who figures in the Top 10 clientele of Infosys was contacted, it's Sr. Vice President - Administration said "We are aware of the developments. However, the top brass has assured us that things will go on smoothly and the Bank's operations will not be hampered. Already, Infosys has issued orders to march towards the PC to 35,000 employees who are on bench sipping coffee and playing TT and that is a sigh of relief for us. Our Credit Card customers will still have seamless access to the Call Centres". Taking cue from this statement, education segment expert from a consultancy firm, Mr. Vidya Saraswathi projected that Infosys could hire anything between 25000-30000 fresh graduates and laterals since a huge chunk of resource was getting vacant from Bench and Wipro was catching up big time in terms of employee headcount.

"The US has gone bonkers you see.. They would rather do well to close down the 'Chop Shop' that they have opened in Iraq and Afghanistan. Or worse is look into Mark Hurd's trapped in sexual her-ass-meant case", said 22 year old Phatichar Screwvala who was quick to correct himself and re-pronounce it as 'harassment'. Phatichar who had successfully completed his induction programme on Friday evening reiterated that Infosys was known for it's integrity and values and unlike in the US, it had never involved in sexual harassment scandals, unaware of the Phaneesh Murthy episode which rocked India Inc. during his high-school days. Phatichar is based out of Mysore DC. However, the farmers of Mysore said that those comments did not have any base and he was only repeating the talking points of his masters. Mr. Ketanlal Vishnudas Patel, a veteran businessman of Indian origin in USA whose short poems are the most sought after declined to comment and simply sent a one liner email saying "Time is very precious in this part of the world" when contacted.

Meanwhile, a group of disgruntled employees who are yet to submit their resignation threatened to self-immolate during the wedding of N R Narayana Murthy's son later this year. "Since you have broken it, you rather fix it or I will self-immolate during your son's wedding" said Pune based 26 year old 'Agni'vesha (name changed as he fears being ditched by his girl-friend who works as a Brand Manager with AUTOMOBILE giant Hyundai) His friends lent their hankies/undies/Boxers/sock as he wept to an extent inconsolable. "The upcoming alliance between TVS and Infosys seems to be 'motivated by business interests'. Anything is possible in India and yet no one is accountable for it" said an aggressive Indian-American Mr. 'Nexus' D'Souza who currently works with a medical equipment manufacturing giant in USA and believes any sundry claims made by the USA despite several rebuttals by his Indian friends. He even cited an incident where an Infosys employee had given a 'Hot water bath' to his maid for which he was sacked. Mr. D'Souza also gave a call to all US Corporations to stop business with companies who have employees without sensitivity towards fellow human beings but declined to comment when asked about the wage cut some of the Pizza delivery boys get in US headquartered firms.

As our Bangalore correspondent started towards Infosys' Bannerghatta Road DC from Electronics City in BMTC Bus, following conversation in Kannada between two daily-wage earners was heard - "Adeno kaddiro car mattu bike maaraaTa maaDo jaaga anta Amreekadalli yaaro Ministru heLiddarantappa... Irbeku ansutte. BeLgaadre ee Imposis aapees oLgaDe Tata Sumo, Tata Starbussu, Toyota Qualissu, namma BMTC bhaDge bussu hogod noDidre avr heLirodu kharey irbeku" (Roughly translated as "Some Minister in US says Infosys is into selling stolen cars and bikes. When we see several vehicles plying into their campus from early morning, they might be right")

"I think the whole Brand needs a revamp now. We need to start with the punchline 'Powered by intellects, Driven by values'. Probably, the words 'Powered' and 'Driven' needs to be powerfully driven off as they mostly get the automobile feel in the minds of the consumers" opined a Bangalore based Brand and Advertisement Guru and suggested punchlines like 'Borrowed intellects with no values' and 'To fix before it breaks'. He also came up with an idea of organizing events in the Americas, Europe and APAC to control the damage done and estimated the cost of events to be $5000 MN but assured that his newly commencing Event Management Firm could make it at 70% of that".

Infosys employees who are normally spotted from tea-stalls to book-stores and from airports to restaurants wearing their most coveted ID cards seemed to have abstained from wearing the same as not many employees with Infosys ID cards were found today. Psychologists from NIMHANS, Bangalore were of the opinion that it is a common trend to disown our own when something really shameful happens. "We had queries from Satyam employees whether to wear their ID cards or not when the Ramalinga Raju scandal broke out. What we have observed is employees of foreign companies aren't affected much at times of crisis than their Indian counterparts though during the economic recession it is the the other way round" said Dr. Maanasik Swasthya, a Psychologist in NIMHANS, Bangalore. Enigma Pub and Yo! China confirmed that HP hasn't cancelled their advance bookings while Bangalore One reported numerous calls from Infosys employees enquiring about the Art of Living ashram address.

All Indian IT companies as a mark of condemnation of the preposterous statement have decided to replace all white PCs with black PCs. Indian companies like Wipro and HCL have proposed to buyback HP and Dell systems and replace with their Brands. However, none of the companies wanted to part with IBM Servers. The matter is now with NASSCOM and is believed to raise serious repercussions in the USA and support is garnered from several leading BFSIs of USA and is now believed to give a twist to Barack Obama's fight for ban on job exports.

Meanwhile in an unrelated incident, Karnataka Chief Minister B S Yeddyurappa considered himself to be in a similar situation as US President B H Obama. On the sidelines of a massive public rally organized at Hospet which is 60 Kms away from Bellary, he said when Obama was fighting a ban on job exports, he was fighting a ban on illegal mines export. The White House has released Obama's statement - "MINE has nothing to do with B S Yeddyurappa"

Image courtesy - http://www.stresstips.com/?p=23
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Friends, the above look-alike of a newspaper article is just an imaginary write-up and be considered at best, a spoof. The author has high regards towards all individual and institution names mentioned above. Apologies to those who are offended with the 'remarks'.

Infosys is a client to my company and Mr. Murthy has written some real kind words about us and our work which we proudly display on our homepage. In any case, I make it clear that the 'views' or the 'spoof' here is my own creation and my employer is in no way responsible or connected to this.

Common Man.

"Dear Mr. Service Marketer... the boys aren't really playing well!"

Marketing services is quite a challenging task compared to marketing products, given the intangibility of the former. With the latter, a prospect can see it before hand, touch, feel or even use the product for some time before the actual decision to buy or not to buy is made. Service is something where the production as well consumption happens together, or in quick succession. For eg. - claiming medical bills from Insurance companies or withdrawing cash from a bank or an ATM. Hence, the role of Marketing gets even more rigorous and challenging when it comes to a service. All a service provider hence can do is to come out with attractive captions, logos, Brand Ambassadors, claims & other Brand Elements and display professionalism in their interaction with the prospects as well as their clients.

However, I came across a couple of instances where 2 of the best know Brands across the country have goofed up a bit when it comes to what they claim v/s what they deliver. One of them is HDFC Bank, other is Dominos Pizza. Dominos Pizza is not purely a service brand, but a product cum service brand, given their emphasis not only on Pizzas but also on 'free door delivery' and 'delivery within 30 minutes'.

Lets talk about HDFC Bank first. A brand which is synonymous with Mr. Deepak Parekh (India's unofficial man for crisis) though he is not at the helm. A brand with whom I am associated for the past 5 years and so far have nothing much to complain. Probably because I did not frequent the bank much and got my transactions done through the internet or ATMs. However, I have been visiting one of their branches every month since March. I observed a basic flaw which I never observed with any of the public sector banks. 5 times I have deposited a cheque and each time I have noticed that the person at the counter doesn't verify if the amount written on the cheque matches with the pay-n-slip. Again, there is no verification if the amount and other details mentioned in the bank's copy of pay-n-slip matches with the customer's copy. The teller simply bangs a seal and the whole transaction is over within half-a-minute. This is in stark contrast to what happens in a public sector bank, where the teller takes almost a minute before a seal is hit to the pay-n-slip. When some may shrug it off as a petty issue, I see it as a potential to create confusion later on which might require me to visit the branch quite a few number of times (without forgetting the calls to/from Customer Care and mail trails which it will accompany)
Let me take a dig at Dominos now. Though I have not been a big fan of Pizzas, something tempted me to go for it. And I ordered it online. In about 30 minutes, I got a 'missed call' from an unknown number. This was followed immediately by a message from the same number "Sir pizza delivery boy. Not able to find your house. Please call back". I promptly reverted - "Call me back or you and the pizza can go back". I got the call and guided him to my place. Owing to no change with me, I paid Rs. 200 for what cost Rs. 170. The delivery boy requested for some time to get the change. I asked for his name and asked what do I need to do if he doesn't turn up within the mentioned time. He simply uttered his name and said "Call up to the store and complain for your thirty rupees". I was taken aback but remained calm. I got the change, but, after 6-7 hours and after making a call and informing the Dominos store.

What is similar in both these cases?

The interface between the customer and the organization hasn't displayed credibility and professionalism. When those on top and in the Marketing role of organizations have always ensured to 'build a brand' by building credibility via various exercises, those at the grass-root and who often interact with the company's 'bread & butter' i.e. clients, have often failed to display it. This (dis)connect between what is claimed by the top management and what is being delivered by the grass-root can hamper the brand. At times, brands will not only lose that particular client but also several other clients by way of negative word-of-mouth communication about the brand by the disgruntled client. This very blog itself speaks negatively of Dominos and HDFC Bank, doesn't it? ;-)

Service marketers cannot afford to let their interface act with a lackluster attitude. No brand is bigger than a client's ego and his hard earned money. Absence of empathy, arrogance, disconcert by the client-organization interface will affect a brand much more than a goof up in a service. Afterall, products might be manufactured in factories, but brands are 'manufactured' in the minds of the consumers.

Regards... rather, re-guard (lots of brands need to take one)

Common Man

Photo courtesy
i. http://magusdialog.in/images/logo_hdfcbank.gif
ii. http://www.balloonsoverwaikato.co.nz/images/143230_DominosLogo.jpg
iii. http://marketingevolution.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/customer-service2.jpg

Kaun hai woh King or Queen of 'Good Times' ?

Read someone asking "How about Freida Pinto as the Brand Ambassador of Kingfisher Airlines?". To those who have no much clue about Freida, she is the one who featured opposite Dev Patel in Oscar-winning SlumDog Millionaire, walked the red-carpet at the Oscars, pipped to be the next Bond Girl and also claimed to be the highest paid Indian actress.

Freida for Kingfisher - Is it a good fit?

Let's first discuss Kingfisher and West Indies. The flagship brand of UB Group got registered in my mind for the first time in 1996 when India toured West Indies, where in one of the 5 Test matches, India were bundled out for some 80 odd runs, chasing a paltry 120 in 4th innings for victory. They had a TV commercial starring the players of that team. Here is the TVC - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93RtE9_Gc5I - Hence, UB via Kingfisher, sponsored the West Indies Team. That was the time when West Indies' cricketing standards hadn't reached a level where it was today and had some greats - Richardson, Walsh, Ambrose, Bishop, Lara and the likes. The 3 former names might be a terror for the batsmen when on field but the converse is also true when they are off the field, for that matter it is true with most West Indians. For those used to watch Cricket in West Indies, it is no secret that West Indies is synonymous to, say, beach, beer, partying, fun & frolic etc. Hence, so are the West Indians, not so surprisingly. Some of their celebrations after a wicket or victory look simply crazy. "Work hard, party harder" seems to be their mantra.

They had some marketing advantages with it -

1. Instant multi-country visibility (something stopped me from saying 'global' visibility'). It would anyways be visible amongst the Circket crazy Indians, but, sponsoring West Indies Team also meant visibility of the Brand outside India. The series was telecast LIVE on ESPN-STAR and it ensured that the Brand became visible in atleast 6-7 Cricket playing countries.

2. Brand Mantra was in sync with the team they sponsored. Kingfisher, be it through their alcohol Brand or airlines Brand, have always called themselves 'King of Good Times'. Their Chief, Mr. Mallya himself carries the 'Good Times' image, be it by his dressing, by his passion or actions, or even by surrounding himself with glamour. He walks that talk. Even during the heights of recession, KF Airlines did not cut down on frills which is their soul.

Sponsoring West Indies Team was a beginning. They then went on to get Saurav Ganguly and Ajay Jadeja in the late 90s. Ganguly was an upcoming Cricketer in the late 90s and Jadeja was a jovial Cricketer of his times, very chirpy and flamboyant too. This was followed by getting Michael Vaughan and Andrew Flintoff in 2006, who were certainly the Kings of Good Times which was prevailing, following their inspirational victory in the Ashes 2005.

So it is amply clear that, one who associates oneself with UB Group (or read as Kingfisher) needs to be flamboyant, possess a happy-go-lucky outlook, bring in glamour value with him or her (unless untill they are not endorsing a dull Brand like Mangalore Chemicals & Fertilizers Ltd. of the UB Group) So when someone said Freida Pinto could be the Ambassador of Kingfisher Airlines, I felt it to be a wrong choice. First and foremost, she is not a popular figure in India, though she has several credentials on her side early on in her career. She doesn't carry the 'Good Times' image, according to me.

How about Sania Mirza? She is a face seen in a few continents, thanks to the Grand Slams (where she grandly gets slammed each time). Well known in India too, glamorous, something which Mallya desires as well as deserves. But her inclination towards attracting more Fatwahs than FAT-WAHs can be a game-spoiler. You never know when the clerics of Islam will get offended on hugging Mallya or even mere endorsing the KF Airlines since Mallya also owns 'Daaroo ka aDDa' (Daaru is 'Haraam' as per the Islamic tenets) Now, the complexities of getting Sania as an endorser might as well double with her marriage to a Pakistani and the Dubai connection. In any case, distancing from Sania is a safe choice for Brands (Burqa Brands are an exception)

Then like always, we can move towards some Bollywood actresses, who are the front-runners for most brands and products that demands glamour and skin (Now that skin-showing is no sin) Someone chubby-bubbly, like what Priety Zinta was in her debut movie Soldier is what KF Airlines requires. From the current lot, Genelia D'Souza could be a fit. Though hailing from South India, she is recognized well amongst the TG of KF Airlines. Deepika Padukone endorsed KF Airlines for sometime. Getting her back might not be a sensible move, moreover, with her growing stature, she might endorse more Brands (and Cricketers!) which might not be pleasant for the Brand as it is not 'one among all' Brand. Limited popularity of Bollywood actresses in other countries must also be considered before getting them to endorse (Though Shilpa Shetty might be on her knees and toes and even on hips as we saw in her Yoga, to endorse KF Airlines)

But, for me, one name stands tall. Only that person can carry the 'Good Times' image. Even if Mr. XYZ is appointed as the Brand Ambassador of KF Airlines, he might look ordinary against my Choice. My Choice talks and walks 'Good Times'. My Choice so far has been unbeatable in that 'Good Times' image. My Choice is Vijay Mallya himself. He is in a league of his own. He is like a proud Lion, the newbies and the wannabes of whichever field you chose, come distant second to him. He can get as many hugs from Bollywood actresses as his son who is in his early 20s get. Even the economic downfall couldn't challenge his 'Good Times' mantra. He found other ways to deal with it (Extension from the Govt. to repay the dues to Oil PSUs, 'MoU' with Jet Airways) He plays big stakes and plays openly. He can buy Tippu's sword for you in an auction, he can bring back Gandhi's possessions, he can buy a F1 Team, owns a few Yachts. Anything he does, does it in style. Though booze hasn't been ingrained in India's culture completely as yet, an Indian owns the world's 2nd largest brewery today. He is a 'Good Times' tag himself. He is the Richard Branson of India (Though he doesn't have a condom brand like Branson does)

I rest my point of view with the readers.

Regards (and loads of Oooh la la la la ooh le lo....)

Common Man

Photo courtesy -
i. http://www.singaporegp.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/dr-vijay-mallya.jpg
ii. http://blog.mobissimo.in/uploads/ambush_marketing_kingfisher_airlines.jpg
iii. http://photos.andhranews.com/airlines-photos/kingfisher-airlines-a330-200.jpg

3G v/s SoniaG - Yes Madam, We Can!

So the much acclaimed 3G Spectrum bidding has concluded and is expected to give the Govt. exchequer a whopping Rs. 68,000 crores approx. which is close to more than 2 times than what was estimated in the Budget 2010. As A Raja, the Telecom Minister was all smiles for all right reasons and 'otherwise', the Congress camp was in a spot of bother. If Pranab Mukherjee looked numb like always, P Chidambaram's pleasant and calm face had turned stern, something which would have scared the Maoists and Naxalites as well. Normally a quiet S M Krishna was looking as serious and brutal as Kamsa. Though the UPA as a whole was exuberant over the 3G Spectrum revenue, the Congress faction had a subtle, yet evident uneasiness on their face.

The Congress is now weary of one pertinent point - Will the popularity of 3G impact the Brand Value of Sonia'G? The Prime Minister took note of this issue and summoned an emergency meeting of all Congress Ministers late in the evening at the PMO (Prime Minister's Office). The possible effects of 3G overshadowing Sonia'G were discussed at length. A Ten-Point Programme has been worked out and would soo be implemented. Sources from the PMO who requested anonymity to avoid possible animosity with the Ministers shared the minutes of the meeting -

1. The total earnings through 3G bids will be showed at 10% of actuals. That way, revenue to Govt. Exchequer could also be shown less and hence, prices of essential commodities could be hiked. This suggestion had come from the mastermind of Murli Deora, Petroleum and Natural Gas Minister who sees this as an opportunity to hike fuel prices. When countered by the Prime Minister, he justified his stand by saying that if fuel prices are hiked, public attention can be diverted from 3G to price-hike. He also assured that there won't be disruption from the opposition camp of BJP and Communists as they would anyways 'Walk-Out' from the Parliament.

2. 3G Spectrum will not be publicized on news channels, websites etc. Now along with opposition leaders, even the Press & Media are banned from entering the premises of the Ministry of IT & Telecommunications. A Raja's official residence will be deployed with additional CRPF forces to curb media entry into the premises. This point was put forward by the Information & Broadcasting Minister Ambika Soni.

3. Afzal Guru's files will make rounds from various bureaucrat's tables to New Delhi Govt. every alternate day. This idea which will attract huge attention from the BJP and Sangha Parivar was mooted by the Law Minister Veerappa Moily which made him eligible for a pat on the back by state-mate S M Krishna. If tables are further fallen short of, President Pratibha Patil in a fax-message has promised to lend her table as well. Files containing various Bills which are earlier passed to her from the Parliament will be shifted to Govt. archives.

4. Lalit Modi-Shashi Tharoor controversy will be raked up as well. Support for this is sought from Sharad Pawar and Praful Patel, both from NCP which is a party to the UPA. If the NCP supremos refuse their support, Praful Patel will be accused of negligence and corruption which led to the AI plane crash in Mangalore last week and Sharad Pawar will be charged with conspiring with rich middlemen for hoarding essential commodities thereby leading to inflation.

5. A lot of arrests will be made and links will be established to various Bomb Blasts.

6. Some forgotten cases like Madhumita Shukla murder case, Lakkubhai Pathak cheating case, JMM suitcase scam, Fodder scam, Coffin scam, Stock Market scam etc. will be reopened or files will be moved bringing nation-wide attention.

7. Sanjay Dutt has been promised a ticket in the next election if he too is willing to be a part to reinvestigate the 1993 Bomb Blasts. Mahesh Bhatt's son's help will also be sought to prick the George Coleman Hadley case. Mohd. Azharuddin has been asked to lead these 2 projects.

8. Some petty fights in Australia will be showcased as 'Racist attacks' and Home Minister will visit Australia and keep India updated about the 'sorry state of affairs'. However, PM has cautioned that this ploy should not in any way impact India's Uranium business with Australia.

9. If all this falls short of the agenda, more dossiers will be exchanged with Pakistan.

10. Rahul Gandhi has volunteered to contribute in his very own way. He has already scheduled his 'Stay at Dalit homes' for the next 6 months.

As the meeting concluded and the Ministers came out of the PMO, they were greeted by angry sloganeering by the rest of the UPA allies. The Prime Minister in his usual inimitable style pacified the protestors by saying "Ghar ki BAHU-BETIYON ka sammaan rakhna hamaara dharm hai!!!!"

Common Man.

[The above is a fiction intended for some fun and humour. The author loves all politicians and plays politics himself]

Photo courtesy -
i. http://www.cplc.net.in/cplc_magazine/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/3g.jpg
ii. http://img.timeinc.net/time/2009/time_100_walkup/sonia_gandhi.jpg

Whacked in West Indies.... Backed by Bachchan!!

So now you know how tough it is to negotiate BOUNCERS. The Indian T20 squad failed to negotiate them even after spending 45 nights in PUBS. If the IPL, thanks to Modi and Tharoor got murkier day by day and hour by hour (or Tweet by Tweet), the T20 World Championships, for Indian fans got duskier match by match. Like Anil Kumble pointed out, we had lost when M S Dhoni said after losing to West Indies in the post-match presentation, "We will play Sri Lanka and go home", though there was still a chance to make it into the Semi-Finals. One had to know Permutation & Combination in-depth to know about that chance though.

'Consistently managing NOT to rise for a BIG OCCASION' can be a research topic on Indian Team. Zaheer 'Tweeted' about 'Improvement' after every game, but during match, it appeared as if he had talked about improvement in leaking runs. Rohit Sharma 'Tweeted' about him knowing 'What this team is made up of', but to some extent we got to know what Rohit is made up of after the match against Australia. Yuvraj seemed to have been confused by a dual role - Cricketer and a Celebrity. Pitch might seem like a ramp, every cheer-girl looks like Preity Zinta. And we expect him to perform amidst this misery!

Meanwhile, the debate over post-IPL parties have reached Twitter, Facebook Wall and even BCCI Headquarters. Probably the first time an Indian Captain has honestly admitted something. But why hold it a reason for poor performance? Were the players dragged to the parties or did they go on their own will?

Amitabh Bachchan has blogged in support of Team India. I find it a futile exercise to extend 'Moral support' to the Team. Even after prominent losses, our players have found 'Moral support' only in partying than in identifying problem areas are taking corrective action. Our only comprehensive performance in the series was against the South Africans. We couldn't even get the Afghanistani's ALL OUT! Waiting eagerly for Gary Kirsten's revelations. I have never been able to find out why most 'revelations' happen in crisis! Anyways... would be fun to know some of the pot bellies of the Indian Team :)

Common Man